Why Good Intentions Aren’t Enough: White Guilt and the Nervous System

What if I told you that white guilt is tied to a nervous system response?

Coherence is needed to feel the uncomfortable emotions of white guilt; otherwise, the fight-or-flight response could be activated.

Nobody wants to come off as a “bad person.”
Being deemed “guilty” or associated with a group of people that did things you don’t agree with by another large group of people could seem extremely scary to the nervous system.

When your logical brain is saying, “I don’t believe in what my predecessors believe in. I didn’t do anything personally. I would never do those things.” You’re in defense mode.
When you feel defensive or protective of yourself, even subconsciously, your actions reflect those feelings.

Feeling defensive and protective leads to performative allyship, which is confusing because, if you’re paying reparations or hiring marginalized individuals, as just one example, how could that be performative?

The motivation behind those actions is so YOU feel better. You’re reacting to your nervous system activation, taking those actions to feel safer. Even though you might have the best intentions, without addressing and tending to the nervous system activation and becoming coherent BEFORE you act, the performative energy will be felt by others. These actions have the vibe of “take the money so I don't have to feel uncomfortable.”

What would happen if you were willing to get coherent and feel uncomfortable to become a better ally?

If, when you’re radically honest with yourself, you find yourself in the land of white fragility, aka fight, flight, fawn, or freeze about the topic of race and privilege, I can help you cultivate the capacity to feel uncomfortable, because doing so is important.

You have to be willing to confront white guilt or guilt about the privileges you have, feel the feelings that come up when you do, and recognize how those feelings motivate you into action.

Why is this important? Because actions create results.

What are the results of performative allyship?

Yes, sometimes reparations are performative, and when they are, they carry the energy of survival. Any type of reparation born from your survival energy will only be a short-term solution for those you’re trying to make amends with. If you’re re-acting from fight-flight and haven't changed the way you think about yourself or others. You will continue to perpetuate something you feel guilty about, to begin with.

Get coherent. Be a coherent ally. When you do, you’ll be more authentic about the actions you take. Your actions won’t be about making yourself feel more regulated; they will be about having the capacity to change how you think about what’s going on and showing up differently than those before you.

Coherence, in essence, is connection and communication. When a body is in coherence, all its parts are in sync and communicating with each other. The body goes into thriving mode. Can you see how taking action from THIS place, rather than from guilt, or fight, and flight energy, could affect the results you create?

As within so without.

A coherent ally creates unity and communication from within.

I wonder what could be created in the world with that energy?

I’m inviting 3 allies to coach with me 1 on 1 about this. We will work together to cultivate the capacity to be a coherent ally.  Our work will consist of creating a new baseline of coherence in your body and building more capacity to reflect on and deliberately choose what you want to think about those you’re advocating for. Remember, thoughts create emotions, actions, and results. Our work together will help you become clear about what your desired results are and what you will need to think and feel to achieve them.

What could we accomplish if we work together?

Let's find out. Book a free coaching consult today.